I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Can you repeat that, but with context?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
