This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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