We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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