I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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