Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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