Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
