Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
