bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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