): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
