Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
