Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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