so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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