well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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