Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
