just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
