I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
