She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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