Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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