so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
