Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
