I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
