Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
