I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
