Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
