end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
