I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
