Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
