did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
