i need an iv and a liver transplant
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
