Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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