I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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