Me. At least after what I've been through.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
