I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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