Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
