so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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