I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
