i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
