around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
