So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
