I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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