apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
