both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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