i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
