just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
