they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
