kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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