she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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