Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
