i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize