bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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