I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
