Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
