i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
