Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
