Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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