u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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