I wannas sexs uuuuu
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
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