Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
