im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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