Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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