The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
