I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
