WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I look better un-naked...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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