I love black thongs
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
