At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
