question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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