He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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