I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
