he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So much rum. So many feels.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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