I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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