Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
bring money and cleavage
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize