I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
