Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
