i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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