Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize