I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
