omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's shark week go big or go home
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