I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
