Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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