at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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