so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Randomize
