Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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