Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
