Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Randomize
