i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
