Im at strip club and am horny
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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