I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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