How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We just shotgunned beers for America
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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