I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
