I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
