soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
