These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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