I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
