So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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