The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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