i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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