we're blogging at a bar
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
