she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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